Just When I Needed It...

Life is really funny sometimes...not laugh-out-loud funny, not funny "ha, ha," but funny nonetheless. Maybe it's strange funny, I don't know. Today was not the best day at work. I won't even go into details about what went wrong. That's not really important. What is important is that I left work feeling like a jerk. I left feeling like my month-and-a-half at this new school was a waste of time. I left feeling like I didn't want to go back tomorrow. That's not a good way to leave. It's kind of like the old saying, "Don't go to bed mad." You don't want to leave work for the day with a bad taste in your mouth. You want to leave feeling tired, worn-out, but content...like you really made a difference.

Not only did I NOT make a difference today, I had someone tell everyone I don't make a difference. It was not direct, it was not meant to hurt me, it was said in the nicest way something like that can be said. But, it still crushed me. I don't think I cry easily, but I could barely hold back the tidal wave of tears. I managed to hold them for quite some time until I was in a "safe" environment where I couldn't stop them. Mind you, I still didn't want to cry, but if I didn't get them out then in front of people who care about me, the build up would have only gotten worse.

Hey!! Wait!! Didn't I say I wasn't going to talk about what happened?! I just kind of did. Oops! Well, after leaving school, I went to get Madeline from daycare. She didn't have the best day either. Apparently she wasn't a good listener. She seems to think that the rules really don't apply to her...the teacher must have been talking to all the OTHER kids in the room. So, we headed home, and when we got here, we read her new books she got from the library today. We eventually made our way downstairs. I told Madeline she could watch one episode of "Hannah Ontana" (as she calls it), and I came in to check in on some of my favorite sites.

I messed around on TSR for a bit, I checked my blog for any comments (thanks, T and Stacey!), and I begrudgingly checked my school email. I paused before I clicked the final button to log me in. Do I really want to check this, I asked myself. Am I just setting myself up for further frustration, my mind wondered. I decided on taking my chances, and I am so glad I did. A teacher at school replied to an email I sent mentioning that I'll be in meetings all day tomorrow and won't be able to meet with the language arts teachers for our weekly curriculum time. She said she would miss me and then went on to share some profound thoughts with me.

She wrote, "and I want you to know on professional note that you are very appreciated by me….when I need something that pertains to LA…you find a way to get it to me…ultimately making my job better in service to my students….and I really appreciate that….." First, I sat in shock. There is someone out there that uses triple and quadruple periods (an elipsis) MORE than I do??!! :) Second, I shed a few more tears. How in the world could this teacher have known HOW much I needed to hear those words today? What in the world made her respond the way she did? Is it really possible I read this email just when I needed it? It is amazing to me that a day's worth of feeling unworthy was mostly wiped away by a few sentences...by less than 50 words...by one little email.

So, maybe I am doing what I've been called to do. Maybe my time so far has not been a waste. Maybe I can make a difference in the lives of the teachers and students with whom I work. Maybe...just maybe.

5 things for which I'm thankful right now (in no particular order)...

1. Email
2. The power of words
3. My family and friends
4. Patient Preschool Teachers
5. Small gifts that come just when you need them :)

Nichols...OUT!